Around this time a year ago, I went on a journey, a journey of friendship, self-discovery, and also Steven Seagal.
It’s about time I do it again, with a little help from some asshole named Dave who has this delusion that he’s a dude named Pierre Menard that nobody has never heard of.
But he’s pretty cool, and he fills out my bar trivia team.
So we saw The Expendables 2 together and wrote about it. At least after we stopped giggling like schoolgirls at the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger is back.
Since I love you guys so much, I felt like doing another outside the box blog post. Hopefully it reads more like me flipping the script and making things interesting rather than me calling you desperately, 4 or 5 times a day, promising you that I’ve changed, that things will be different, that I can be new and exciting.
Not…not that I’d know what that’s like.
I decided to treat myself this week. I’ve kind of been waiting for the opportunity to do this for a while- these are the big daddies of beers and b-movies, and each has a very special place in my heart.
After searching for hours through video and liquor stores, I was finally able to find someone who had both a copy of Commando and some Delirium Tremens he was willing to sell me. I was a little sketched out when he took me into an alley and gave me my beer and movie in a soggy manila envelope he took out of a trash can, but hey, the price was right and I didn’t get shanked, so that’s a win in my book.
Feeling confident and ready, I sunk into my couch and treated myself to a brilliant couple hours enjoying my favorite beer and my favorite Schwarzenegger movie.
I sure made you wait, didn’t I.
You knew the governator’d show up sooner or later. Well, later, as the case may be. So in honor of Schwarzenegger’s return to film and his cartoon show that I give about one and a half seasons before it gets canned, we’re reviewing the worst movie he ever made, along with a red ale.
Because, like, both of them have ‘red’ in their names.